Hello Mudda

Limelette #1 headed off to camp on Saturday. This is her 4th year so we are old hat at this. The first year she went I was pleasantly surprised when she emailed me. She's not exactly highly communicative and has never been the type to get very homesick. The email was a bit odd and went something like this:

Hi Mom,
Having fun, wish you were here and all that crap. HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHEHEHEHEHEHEHEHEHEHEHOHOHOHOHOHOHOHOHOHOHO.
byeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee,
Limelette

to which I responded...

Darling,
It was lovely to hear from you. Clearly you are on drugs. I hope the counselors are at least showing you good technique in your usage. Gotta love church camp.
Your loving,
Mom

Mommeeeeeeeee,
Do you miss meeeeeeeeeeeee?
Limelette

Sweetheart,
Terribly. I'd be wailing and gnashing my teeth but I've been so busy trying to clean up after the wandering band of gypsies who have rented your room. Their camel really stinks. I think the smell should be gone in a couple months. I'm not sure I can get the stains off the carpet.
Woefully,
Mom

mom,
you are so weird.
l

honeypieschmutzfacesweetums,
this is news to you?
m

no

Here's to another great week of camp for her.

KP Duty

The Limelettes and I were away for 4 days. We enjoyed the beach in Maryland while my boy Limelet is in SC. Mr. Lime, unfortunately had to stay home.

Upon my return home I noticed that the dishwasher I had packed and started to run just before departing was as yet unpacked. The sink was filled with dirty dishes and every counter was full of food and beverage residues...FOUR DAYS worth of residues and dirty dishes. I suspect Mr. Lime is afraid that proximity to the kitchen may adversely affect his virility.

I would like to note the state of my kitchen was as a result of the actions of a man who cannot deal with the perpetual avalanche-waiting-to-happen look my desk generally displays. May I point out that my desk will not draw mice and ants. Nor will it serve as a petri dish for bacteria which may mutate into something which could be used as a biological weapon.

I am now calling upon all readers to submit testimonials of a very specific sort. I would like any of my gentlemen readers who have ever cooked in a kitchen or cleaned up a kitchen and yet still are in posession of original and fully functional genitalia to please give testimony of such in the comments. If your wife/girlfriend/any female has ever regarded the aforementioned activities as foreplay and rewarded such behavior with mind alteringly fabulous sex please include a note to that effect. Ladies, if you are the wife/girlfriend of a man who can find the kitchen without GPS/who cooks/washes dishes and who is still able to satisfy your sexual needs please do tell.