Insane Asylime

Wednesday, July 12, 2006

KP Duty

The Limelettes and I were away for 4 days. We enjoyed the beach in Maryland while my boy Limelet is in SC. Mr. Lime, unfortunately had to stay home.

Upon my return home I noticed that the dishwasher I had packed and started to run just before departing was as yet unpacked. The sink was filled with dirty dishes and every counter was full of food and beverage residues...FOUR DAYS worth of residues and dirty dishes. I suspect Mr. Lime is afraid that proximity to the kitchen may adversely affect his virility.

I would like to note the state of my kitchen was as a result of the actions of a man who cannot deal with the perpetual avalanche-waiting-to-happen look my desk generally displays. May I point out that my desk will not draw mice and ants. Nor will it serve as a petri dish for bacteria which may mutate into something which could be used as a biological weapon.

I am now calling upon all readers to submit testimonials of a very specific sort. I would like any of my gentlemen readers who have ever cooked in a kitchen or cleaned up a kitchen and yet still are in posession of original and fully functional genitalia to please give testimony of such in the comments. If your wife/girlfriend/any female has ever regarded the aforementioned activities as foreplay and rewarded such behavior with mind alteringly fabulous sex please include a note to that effect. Ladies, if you are the wife/girlfriend of a man who can find the kitchen without GPS/who cooks/washes dishes and who is still able to satisfy your sexual needs please do tell.


  • I'm not a guy but I'm the Queen. My King cooks, he washes the dishes, he cleans the counters, he COOKS... with the stove! He puts away the groceries and then can promptly send me straight to the moon with any appendage on his body! He totally ROCKS.

    By Blogger HNB, at 8:03 PM  

  • Here is a list of men that have cleaned the kitchen without getting paid, or ordered to by threat of firing squad;Pee Wee Herman(thanks kathi,) Liberace, Charles Manson, Siegfried and Roy, Michael Jackson, Rob Schneider, Hillary Clinton, and Scott Peterson. I think he did a credible job of not using the dishes in the dishwasher. My hats off to him for not going out for each meal at a strip club or Hooters. Personally I think he did a great job and I would appreciate if you would get off his ass about it. (I thought this would help.)

    By Blogger Casually Me, at 8:54 PM  

  • I do all the things you describe and more. Just ask Lori. I have to confess though, I only clean up the kitchen the morning she is due to come over. The rest of the week I keep my kitchen pretty much a Mr Lime does. Ant spray is always handy to eradicate those pesky critters.

    By Blogger BTExpress, at 9:46 PM  

  • My guy is the King of the hot dog and Kraft macaroni & cheese meal... So much so that if I'm to be out of town my kids moan, "Oh No! Not hot dogs and mac&cheese?" He is a sweetie about cleaning up the kitchen though... In fact he did it tonight so the kids and I could take an evening stroll. He's also well aware the kitchen clean-up has it's uh, bedroom benefits!

    By Blogger Margie Blystone, at 10:06 PM  

  • Mr. Logo makes a menu,
    does the grocery shopping,
    puts the stuff away afterward,
    cooks like a gourmet,
    cleans up including the dishes,
    AND blows my mind in bed several times a week.
    and NO, he is not for rent or sale.

    By Blogger Logophile, at 3:09 AM  

  • I like CLEAN!!! I CLEAN!!

    By Anonymous steve, at 8:20 AM  

  • My husband cooks and cleans and DOES LAUNDRY on a regular basis. He also stops at the store and picks up feminine hygiene products if I need them without batting an eyelash.


    By Anonymous Wren, at 10:06 AM  

  • I think Mr. Logo is a freak of nature - a good freak but most men are not like that.

    Mr. Snavy does help clean the kitchen (ie. load the dishwasher). He does not empty it or do the dishes in the sink, he will use 5 glasses in one day and leave them on the counter, he stopped cooking almost 2 years ago except for making himself pasta - for which he uses more pots and pans than neccessary then leaves them on the stove. And, don't even get me started on the freaking can opener!!!!!!

    By Blogger snavy, at 10:18 AM  

  • Why do women have small feet?

    So they can get closer to the sink while doing dishes.

    It's darwinism at it's finest. How else would women have survived without doing ALL the dishes? Even the cavewomen cleaned the rocks. All this talk is making me hungry. I will just am alone. I wonder why?

    By Blogger Casually Me, at 10:29 AM  

  • Dear Mr. and Ms. Lime,

    I like to cook and have done my share of it over the last 3 or 4 decades. My wife and I always shared the kitchen and toward the end, I was the sole cook (but we forced the kids to wash the bottles).

    Now, I must do it all. I find menu creation the hardest part. Cooking is fun when you have a recipe and all of the ingredients in front of you, but coming up with a menu that is nutricious and something that will appeal to all of us is a chore.

    I wish I was rewarded with sex for all of this. Unfortunately, that has been missing for some time and there are no prospects on the horizon. I don't think my wife found me in the kitchen as a turn-on. Now when we were young lovers, my doing the laundry and cleaning up in the kitchen were definetly rewarded.

    Hope this helps, Lime.


    By Blogger Phaedrous, at 1:23 PM  

  • hnb, that's a good man!

    cm, lmao, where do i begin??? i spewed my drink laughing at your list. btw, michael jackson is now a muslim woman so he doesn't even count. you silly thing. as for darwinism, if it were true i'd have evolved with 8 arms and no need for sleep.:P you kill me.

    bt, as evidenced by your HNT today! thanks:)

    margie, i'd settle for a cheerful volunteer cleaner upper.

    logo, i've asked about the possibility of mr. logo teaching classes before. please forward info on his schedule and rates.

    steve, clean is good. no mention of it's effects on virility though. we need to reassure mr. lime so please clarify, hehehee

    wren, bonus points for the feminine products!

    snavy, mr lime finds it an offense to carry his own dishes to the sink. loading the dishwasher is beyond his imagination.

    phaedrous, bless you. yes, the meal planning and shopping etc can be tiresome for sure. there is something very sweet about sharing the workload together.

    By Blogger lime, at 2:50 PM  

  • Once a few months ago, I was nauseous and asked my husband to make me some PLAIN NOODLES. After the 8th time he yelled up the stairs with questions (how much water, what setting should the burner be on, etc.) I gave up. He's not a kitchen guy either.

    By Blogger RusticateGirl, at 9:04 PM  

  • haha yikes!
    all i want is a man who can do the dishes and take out the trash.

    oh and i guess he would have to cook since i dont and how else would there be dirty dishes? lol

    By Blogger DaMasta, at 4:00 PM  

  • the soon-to-be-former mr. le chat wouldn't know how to wipe down a counter top if i put a towel in one of his hands, the 409 spray in the other and then held up a big sign that said, "i'll blow you if you clean the counters." feh!

    By Blogger Phain, at 1:05 PM  

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