Insane Asylime

Saturday, October 01, 2005

Take a Deep Breath

I had to take my older daughter to the doctor this week. An hour after the appointment was actually scheduled we were finally seen. For the priviledge of sitting around for an hour before having 5 minutes with a medical professional and obtaining a diagnosis I had already correctly made I was charged $70. I could get really irritated by this or I could amuse myself. Let me offer a few suggestions to pass the time and alleviate the frustration.

1. Using the roll of paper that covers the table, design a fashion line to replace the paper gowns they give you. Feel free to use other items inthe exam room for accessorizing. "Dahling, you look smashing in that paper A-line! And the cotton ball jacket is to die for!"

2. Swipe a prescription pad. Draw pictures on each page so when the doctor flips them he/she gets an animated cartoon of what you have done in the exam room to pass the time.

3. Build a log cabin out of tongue depressors.

4. Sew a quilt from the gauze pads.

5. Create a replica of the Empire State Building from specimen cups. Use a throat swab to construct the spire at the top.

6. Take all the magazines from the waiting room that are older than a year and make rolled paper beads from the pages. String them around the room.

7. Wallpaper the exam room with the other magazines.

8. Take the diplomas off the wall and allow your child to use them as doodle paper.

9. Prepare an itemized bill for your interior design services. Make sure it is well in excess of any charge they could make to you.

10. Reset the scale to make everyone 15 lbs. lighter.

11. Blow up all the latex exam gloves like balloons. It gives the room such a festive look.

12. Have a fencing duel with a pair of crutches.

13. Make a new eye chart on the back of the old one. Make it say something snide.

14. Write your memoirs.

15. Hang a sign on the skeleton "How long did this guy have to wait?"

8 Comments:

  • Ohhhh Lime, ROTFLMFAO!!!!!!
    You are totally hilarious, and the sad thing is, they really do keep you waiting long enough to do all those thing!

    By Blogger barefoot_mistress, at 10:56 AM  

  • You guys crack me up with your ingeneniousity (is that a word?? oh well, it is now!).

    Waiting rooms are never fun. My personal fave waiting room is the gyno...there's all sorts of scary stuff you can learn about when/if you get bored enough. And they are envitably running behind, "oh sorry, Mrs. so & so had her baby today so we're running late."

    Are the word veri's supposed to be completely illegible? I failed my first & second attempts to post this, oy!

    By Blogger Cricketina, at 2:43 PM  

  • OK, this actually happened to me when I was pregnant with my first.
    I was waiting in the exam room, with my trusty book. I HATE those stupid uncomfortable chairs, so I went ahead and curled up on the exam table. After a while that was uncomfortable too, so I took the stack of magazines and made a pillow under the white paper thingee. Much better! So I read and I read...until I fell asleep.
    I was awakened by my doctor (an hour and a half after my appt time) who was forced to agree with me that pregnancy did indeed appear to be making me far more sleepy than usual.
    (I slept through most of the 5 hours of labor with him too)
    :-P

    By Anonymous logo, at 3:11 PM  

  • I love it! What a creative way to utilize your time. I especially like the sign and skeleton, "How long has this guy been waiting?"

    LOL

    By Anonymous Colleen, at 7:05 PM  

  • OMG!!!! You are way too funny!! I'm thinking you should start a comic strip!!

    By Blogger snavy, at 7:44 PM  

  • ty ty ty you guys. so glad you like it. logo, how many drugs did they give you to make you sleep through labor????
    tina, don't worry. i fail on the word veri all the time too

    By Blogger lime, at 8:11 PM  

  • So funny and SO DAMNED TRUE! Just took my daughter in too...they did a 2 second strep test and then sent me a bill for $190...I am SO going to try some of your tactics. I love interior decorating, this could be fun.

    By Blogger Melody, at 9:09 AM  

  • Lime, you have a devious mind. Bad girl.

    That cracked me up. Perhaps its because my son has probably done half of those things in the doctor's office.

    By Blogger Brian, at 10:15 AM  

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