Insane Asylime

Saturday, September 24, 2005

Pass the Geritol

My 14 year old daughter has been shocked to discover I now blog. She has informed me I am definitely too old to blog. Here are a few other things she has been kind enough to inform me I am too old to be doing and why.

1. Have sex. Apparently I have only had sex 3 times in my life since I have 3 children. I only endured this disgusting activity so I could procreate.

2. Sing along with "her" music. I should be listening to some nice elevator music so I am not tempted to engage in #3.

3. Dance. Old people don't shake their groove thang/booty the way I do. They could seriously injure themsleves. Ok, ok, I know "groove thang" dates me.

4. Wear anything that might show any cleavage or any skirt above the knee. "Mom, don't you know how guys might look at you?? You are too old to have some guy checking you out!"

5. Engage in conversation with her friends. I am to present a dour countenance, feign a lack of understanding, be quiet and drive the mom-taxi lest I cultivate the aura of "coolness" or trustworthiness that is unbecoming someone of my advanced age.

Thank you sweetie. You will save me from untold embarassment. Yes, I will drop you off at the movies now. I will not come into the theater. If you need me I will be in the back seat of the Caravan, hiking up my skirt, boffing your dad, while Outkast plays on the radio.

10 Comments:

  • oh my Lime, I am so not looking forward to the teen years!
    Although, my honey and I determined long ago that thoroughly embarrassing our children (not in a cruel way) is going to definitely be the plan.
    We will park next to you;-)

    By Anonymous logo, at 11:46 AM  

  • LMFAO!!! Boffing your dad!!!!

    Oh crap - I have three daughters to embarrass!!

    By Blogger snavy, at 11:49 AM  

  • logo, snavy....we can all go parking together!

    By Blogger lime, at 12:42 PM  

  • LMAO ! You tell her Lime ! My thirteen year old thinks I am fricking ancient when I am only 16 years older than her ! Can you believe some of the things they say to us ? lol!

    By Blogger Breazy, at 4:51 PM  

  • breazy, i'll shae the geritol with you

    By Blogger lime, at 5:41 PM  

  • LMAO...you're not a woman, you're a MOM...gasp! You're not allowed to have a life, you're a mom! LOL.

    Ohhhh boy. Not sure if I'm looking forward to motherhood or not.

    By Anonymous Colleen, at 7:33 PM  

  • She's a brick....house!

    By Blogger barefoot_mistress, at 11:36 PM  

  • It's funny when you think back to being 14 or around that age. I sure thought I knew everything, and I was on top of the game. Boy was I wrong.

    BTW, You're never too old to blog! I'll be blogging when I am 90 in my deathbed giving my last shout-outs. Oh man that is freaky to think of.

    By Blogger bsoholic, at 2:13 AM  

  • Lime,

    Its statements like those that make me glad i have boys! All I have to deal with is them fighting over who gets my car when I die...after all I am old

    By Anonymous The Village Idiot, at 12:25 PM  

  • LOL, mantra, you think so huh?

    By Blogger lime, at 1:05 PM  

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