Pass the Geritol

My 14 year old daughter has been shocked to discover I now blog. She has informed me I am definitely too old to blog. Here are a few other things she has been kind enough to inform me I am too old to be doing and why.

1. Have sex. Apparently I have only had sex 3 times in my life since I have 3 children. I only endured this disgusting activity so I could procreate.

2. Sing along with "her" music. I should be listening to some nice elevator music so I am not tempted to engage in #3.

3. Dance. Old people don't shake their groove thang/booty the way I do. They could seriously injure themsleves. Ok, ok, I know "groove thang" dates me.

4. Wear anything that might show any cleavage or any skirt above the knee. "Mom, don't you know how guys might look at you?? You are too old to have some guy checking you out!"

5. Engage in conversation with her friends. I am to present a dour countenance, feign a lack of understanding, be quiet and drive the mom-taxi lest I cultivate the aura of "coolness" or trustworthiness that is unbecoming someone of my advanced age.

Thank you sweetie. You will save me from untold embarassment. Yes, I will drop you off at the movies now. I will not come into the theater. If you need me I will be in the back seat of the Caravan, hiking up my skirt, boffing your dad, while Outkast plays on the radio.