Insane Asylime

Tuesday, October 04, 2005

The Laws Of Household Physics

Ever notice that the laws of household physics are every bit as real as every other law in the universe? Here are a few examples:

1. A child's eagerness to assist in any project varies in inverse proportion to the ability to actually do the work involved.

2. Leftovers always expand to fill all available containers plus one.

3. A newly washed window gathers dirt at double the speed of an unwashed window.

4. The availability of a ballpoint pen is inversely proportional to how badly it is needed.

5. The same clutter that will fill a one-car garage will fill a two-car garage.

6. Three children plus two cookies equals one big fight.

7. The potential for disaster is in direct proportion to the number of TV remote controls divided by the number of viewers.

8. The number of doors left open varies inversely with the outdoor temperature.

9. The capacity of any hot water heater is equal to one and one-half sibling showers or baths.

10. What goes up must come down, except for bubble gum, kites and slightly used Rice Krispies.

11. Place two children in a room full of toys and they will both want to play with the same toy.

12. When children are all dressed up nice and neat - sauce, peanut butter or juice will find its way onto the clean clothing.


  • LOL snavy, tooo true. here are som solutions.
    never wash the windows
    velcro a ball point pen to each child and yourself
    eat the last 2 cookies before the 3 kids find them
    feed the leftovers to ariella

    By Blogger lime, at 10:34 AM  

  • LMAO...that is awesome and oh so true.
    As always, great post!

    By Anonymous Colleen, at 10:51 AM  

  • Snavy have you been hanging around my house or is it that way at your house too? LOL! You couldn't have posted anything more true than this! You can ask any one of my kids what phrase they hate the most from me and it will be either " Stay off my desk !" or "Get that dirty and you'll meet your Maker earier than expected"

    By Blogger Breazy, at 11:15 AM  

  • I have another:

    A child's stomach capacity is not large enough to eat a well balanced dinner, but there is always room for dessert because "ice cream flows in between the cracks, mom"

    By Blogger barefoot_mistress, at 11:20 AM  

  • Until it was pointed out by a friend, after hearing the phrase on each of threee separate visits, the parents in this household had not realized how often they asked their offspring, "Have you lost your miind?" In these three cases the exclamation was caused by
    1. The lil one swinging a crochet mallet like Babe Ruth in the vicinity of the heads of other children.
    2. The lil one climbing on the kitchen counter to get a snack and standing on the counter with shoes.
    3. The older child who, having knocked the screen out of his bedroom window, was throwing toys and blankets to the ground in preparation of furnishing a "clubhouse".
    I believe it is possible SHE is the one who is out of her mind at this point.
    This was way toooo true!

    By Blogger Ariella, at 11:38 AM  

  • You also forgot to mention the fun quotient which states:

    The amount of fun assigned to an activity is directly proportional to the possibility of accidental death.

    (i have boys)

    By Blogger The Village Idiot, at 12:18 PM  

  • I never was much of a physicist, guess I better not have children then. >.<

    By Blogger bsoholic, at 12:44 PM  

  • the village idiot makes a very good point. i can attest to this one since my son's friend sprined his ankel severly this weekend after acheiving escape velocity on a rope swing in a tree

    By Blogger lime, at 1:11 PM  

  • aaaahhh, i miss all that stuff y'know...??? hold on, do i REALLY...???!!! Hhhmmmm, i'll get back to you on that one...

    By Anonymous Anonymous, at 1:15 PM  

  • the more you say 'no' , the more curious they get ... so, i just say... hey, here is a fork...put that in the light socket and see what happens

    By Blogger Thomcat, at 2:43 PM  

  • oooooh, Thom,
    you get the naughty parent award
    And I am pleased to pass it to ya, I got it for teaching my kids that if they just got enough velocity they could jump clear of the bushes around the back deck.
    And so then, I HAD to teach them how to roll on impact...
    No ER visits yet!

    By Anonymous logo, at 2:57 PM  

  • I'm especially partial to #6. Since I have three children, and it always seemed like I only had two of anything, there was always a fight going on around here.

    By Blogger Fred, at 6:42 PM  

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