Insane Asylime

Monday, September 19, 2005

Truth is stranger than fiction

Just a few mental health actions I really took.

1. Drove to a grocery store in a blizzard to get diapers. I then stayed for an hour, inventorying one particular aisle. Who knew there were so many brands of anchovy paste!

2. Went to a blood drive. Amazing how relaxing it can be to let someone ram a large bore needle into a vein and drain off a pint of blood when you know that for 15 minutes you are required to remain horizontal AND someone gives you donuts afterwards.

3. Feigned a catatonic state.

4. Went to the mall to try on prom dresses with my best friend......When I was 4 weeks postpartum......when she was 2 months post-hysterectomy. To the saleslady, "My 17 year old boyfriend wants me to wear red sequins, but I think the blue chiffon hides the stretchmarks better. Whaddya think?" (Btw, I was clearly too old to be going to the prom)

5. Drank cheap wine from a sippy cup.

6. Called a radio station to enter a "heinous husband" contest......and WON! I didn't share the chocolate I won.

7. Went target shooting.....after a neutral 3rd party suggested to my husband that he should be engaged in some of my interests and hubby admitted he could not even name any of my interests. "Honey, I dunno what you like to do. Seems to me I recall you having a pretty good eye, wanna go target shooting?" May I just say I believe it is testament to my forgiving nature that he would dare make that admission and immediately offer to put a loaded gun in my hands.

6 Comments:

  • Yikes, brave guy putting a gun in your hands!

    By Blogger bsoholic, at 5:11 PM  

  • I've actually hid behind the treadmill & the kitchen island - kid's are scary!!

    By Blogger snavy, at 5:46 PM  

  • Ok, I am glad to know I am not the only one who fights insanity with insanity.
    Some of my favorite defenses;
    Singing show tunes or Christmas songs to drown out arguing or whining.
    Running away from the kids in store when they are trying to ask for candy, etc. saying "Stop touching me, who are you?? Go find your mother!!"
    Asking telemarketers where they are from and when they graduated, etc. (most of them hate telemarketing as much as we do).
    Solo rides on my motorcyle.
    Planning my escape to Peru.

    By Anonymous logo, at 6:24 PM  

  • so, when i pull out my samurai sword out and threaten to pull a 'jackie chan' move on them, is that bad ?

    By Blogger Thomcat, at 7:25 PM  

  • snavy, logo, we must exchange notes. thom, is the sword sharp?

    By Blogger lime, at 8:23 PM  

  • Hi,

    I really enjoyed your blog.
    Keep up the good work as people like you keep the Internet personal and fun.

    Regards

    Pregnancy and stretch marks

    By Blogger mikepearce, at 9:18 AM  

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