Insane Asylime

Tuesday, October 11, 2005

What day is it?

Why is it that a Tuesday morning after a long weekend feels so much more brutal than the average Monday morning?

The alarm went off with some obnoxious pop song, worse than Sonny and Cher's "I Got You, Babe" in "Groundhog Day." I hit the snooze a dozen times I think. The gravitational pull of my mattress was unusually strong. I staggered out of bed in time to see Limelet #2 stagger out to the bus-stop. We mumbled something at each other. I think we got each other's names right.

Limelet #1 shuffled out to the kitchen to inform me that the breakfast she had just eaten was threatening to rapidly eject itself from her stomach. I handed her the barf bucket and reminded her of the need for a Zen-like unity until she felt better. Gaze into the bucket as the bucket gazes into you.

I heard Limelet #3's radio go off......loudly. He continued to sleep through it. I turned on his light and shook him. He finally escaped the gravitational pull of his pillow and mattress. He came reeling down the hallway like a drunk and fell into my chest. He half mumbled, half snored something unintelligible into my sweatshirt. I said, "Take a shower. It will help you wake up." as I oriented him towards the bathroom. I think he fell asleep in there and I fell asleep in the living room. He came out looking like a shrivelled white prune and there was nary a drop of hot water left. Given that putting on shoes seemed as herculean a task for him as if a thalidomide victim had been asked to crochet a lace table cloth and given that it was not 2 minutes before his bus arrived I told him, "Take your time. I'll drive you."

I also needed to get saltines and ginger ale for the sick kid so I may as well make life less stressful for the one who was regarding shoelaces as a great mystery of the universe. I dropped him at school and headed to the store. Looking in the rear view mirror I remembered that I had not showered or combed my hair or even brushed my teeth. I felt a comfortable freedom that reminded me I had not even put a bra on under my gigantic sweatshirt. Oh yeah, I was dressed to impress! I think the sweatpants that were 2 sizes too big used to be my brother-in-law's. At least the sexy (ha!) birkenstocks were the right size. Oh well. I slouched over the shopping cart as I tried to remember if there was anything else I needed. The girl who monitored me at the self-checkout had an expresion that seemed to say "I know the number of a good rehab facility" as she hovered over me. I think she wanted to clap and give me a sticker when I got done successfully.

Well, it's noon now. I think I will pretend to accomplish a thing or two. I just love the Tuesday after a long weekend. But at least tomorrow is humpday already!


  • My Wednesday will be your Tuesday -as all mt Snavilettes are home sick! Yay! One is missing her class picture today - I'm kinda sad.

    Anyway - I carpet resolved the carpet this moring after last nights projectile Ramen Noodle incident. And told hubby to NEVER volunteer me to make snacks for the staff meeting again. It was midnight before I had those suckers done. And, much like the batter, the finished chewy, chocolatey, brownie-like squares were calling to me. Damn talking food!!

    By Blogger snavy, at 12:57 PM  

  • Yikes, what a morning you had! My at spewed her breakfast up hat I have to attempt to clean one handed. Yuck!

    By Blogger bsoholic, at 1:24 PM  

  • You could do what I am doing today...nothing

    By Anonymous logo, at 2:29 PM  

  • made brownies and didn't share??? sorry about the projectile noodles. sounds like a nauseating partyfavor!

    bs, what is it, the entire aniumal kingdom is in puke mode today??

    logo, you know i didn't do a damn thing after i got home, lol

    By Blogger lime, at 3:30 PM  

  • LMAO Lime...I always have to climb into Barelets loftbed and literally drop her out, hurling her over the side, at least she's just 60 pounds!'s no wonder she hasnt broken an arm yet.....
    And, almost everyday she says, "MOM, you are NOT taking me to school in your flannel pj bottoms, are you?" To which I reply, "yes, now get in the car!"
    I mean, I just drive up and toss her out at the front of the school, so why should I get dressed? Besides, there's no time!
    Hilarious as usual Miss....BTW, I'm pretty sure the sight of your hair unbrushed would be enough to wake up all three limelets!:P

    By Blogger barefoot_mistress, at 3:49 PM  

  • Hey!!
    Lay off the women of wild and wooly hair!!

    By Anonymous logo, at 4:14 PM  

  • Watch out, now! That gravitational pull of the mattress can be a hum-dinger.

    By Blogger DaMasta, at 4:34 PM  

  • And, my humpday leads me into a five-day vacation. I'm pretty psyched!

    By Blogger Fred, at 6:36 PM  

  • It sounds like your morning went like my night last night. What would we do without kids? Hope the rest of your day went well ! :)

    By Blogger Breazy, at 7:58 PM  

  • SO I am not the only one this happens to.

    Young Idiot #1 got to have the privilege of staying up until 11 PM because he didnt tell us about a homework assignment. As he stumbled off to bed he finally admited that yes, it really is better to tell us about his homework. The down side about making that appointment is that darn gravitational pull of the mattress/pillow..throw in the mass of the kid and you have the classic three body problem. And with him being 5'4" tall and 110 lbs, that gravitational bond of the bed is difficult to break

    By Blogger The Village Idiot, at 12:33 PM  

  • I can relate to the gravitational pull ....amusing blog, enjoyed it!

    By Blogger Mike, at 5:54 PM  

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