Insane Asylime

Wednesday, March 08, 2006

The Joys of Optometry AND Adventures in Orthodontia #4

Monday, Limelette #1 had a double whammy. First she had to see the eye doctor, then she had to go to the orthodontist. After the eye exam we were informed a mild prescription for glasses would be a good idea. Limelette was NOT happy. As we stood looking at frames for glasses she remarked loudly and with considerable exasperation, 'Great! I have frizzy red hair, freckles, pimples, braces and NOW I get to wear glasses! Thanks for that great set of genes, Mother!'

Forgive me for being a really bad mom, but her assessment cracked me up. I doubled over laughing and said , 'Wait until that stretchmark gene kicks in. You're gonna LOVE that one!'

Next, we had to see every reader's favorite orthdontist, Dr. Excitement (That nasal, bug-eyed glasses, Ben-Stein-is-my-wildman-hero, conspiracy theorist we've all come to know and love). Limelette was already in a bad mood due to the visit with the eye doctor. She snarled at Dr. E. He worked quickly because I think he knew by her look that he risked loosing a finger otherwise.

The poor kid got an extra wire, all three of them tightened, and spacers put in the bottom. He asked what color bands she wanted and she growled, "Black! Like my mood!' He whined back, 'Sorry, I'm all out of black.' Her eyes rolled audibly as she declared how the entire universe was against her.

I have to give him credit for trying to be cheerful. I mean, he did mention the threat of China, Iran, and let's not forget North Korea. I suppose braces are pretty small compared to the threat of nuclear war. Oh, and then there was the plan to dredge harbors and dump all the sludge right here in the Poconos. He punctuated that fun fact with a bright-eyed look and the word 'Yummy!' He considered the various mutations that might arise from the resulting contamination of ground water. That guy, he always knows how to make it all better.

EPILOGUE: Because her mouth was hurting so much and she didn't want to even eat the very soft dinner I had planned just for her, I bought her a milkshake. When we got home I offered her some Ibuprofen. Ever the charmer, she said, 'Thanks, now I can go from my face being devastatingly painful (Oh WHY does she hand me lines like this???? I did resist the temptation though) to merely feeling like it will explode.'


  • I do hope you are saving all this, when the mother's curse kicks in you are soooo gonna need to show her these stories.

    By Anonymous logo, at 10:34 AM  

  • Reading all this stuff aboutyour teen girls makes me wanna trade in miss smart ass for a boy. This morning when I woke her up, with a little nice music from her own c/d collection, she yelled at me, "turn that off, stupid!"
    Ouch! Why don't you just stab me and tear out my heart, that might hurt less.
    Needless to say, but I will, that little girl of mine won't be seeing any of her favorite after school cartoons today......

    By Blogger barefoot_mistress, at 10:55 AM  

  • D'oh! Bad day for her!

    By Blogger bsoholic, at 5:08 PM  

  • I agree with Logo . Especially when she is grown with kids of her own having a day like this . I hope things go better for her tomorrow !

    By Blogger Breazy, at 9:56 PM  

  • MmmMm...

    my milkshake brings all the boys to the yard..

    By Blogger DaMasta, at 5:46 PM  

  • Oh that poor baby. No one ever wants to be a teenager all over again....

    By Blogger Bridget Jones, at 8:26 PM  

  • Have to love a kid with a sense of humor. I did feel bad for her...but figuring the beauty of the mother will kick in soon...

    By Blogger Casually Me, at 8:32 PM  

  • I took twins to the dentist yesterday - I think my experience went better...

    Braces and glasses are tough... it will get better but you can't tell her that. Good thing she DOES NOT have a boyfriend to impress!!!

    By Blogger snavy, at 11:50 PM  

Post a Comment

<< Home