The Joys of Optometry AND Adventures in Orthodontia #4

Monday, Limelette #1 had a double whammy. First she had to see the eye doctor, then she had to go to the orthodontist. After the eye exam we were informed a mild prescription for glasses would be a good idea. Limelette was NOT happy. As we stood looking at frames for glasses she remarked loudly and with considerable exasperation, 'Great! I have frizzy red hair, freckles, pimples, braces and NOW I get to wear glasses! Thanks for that great set of genes, Mother!'

Forgive me for being a really bad mom, but her assessment cracked me up. I doubled over laughing and said , 'Wait until that stretchmark gene kicks in. You're gonna LOVE that one!'

Next, we had to see every reader's favorite orthdontist, Dr. Excitement (That nasal, bug-eyed glasses, Ben-Stein-is-my-wildman-hero, conspiracy theorist we've all come to know and love). Limelette was already in a bad mood due to the visit with the eye doctor. She snarled at Dr. E. He worked quickly because I think he knew by her look that he risked loosing a finger otherwise.

The poor kid got an extra wire, all three of them tightened, and spacers put in the bottom. He asked what color bands she wanted and she growled, "Black! Like my mood!' He whined back, 'Sorry, I'm all out of black.' Her eyes rolled audibly as she declared how the entire universe was against her.

I have to give him credit for trying to be cheerful. I mean, he did mention the threat of China, Iran, and let's not forget North Korea. I suppose braces are pretty small compared to the threat of nuclear war. Oh, and then there was the plan to dredge harbors and dump all the sludge right here in the Poconos. He punctuated that fun fact with a bright-eyed look and the word 'Yummy!' He considered the various mutations that might arise from the resulting contamination of ground water. That guy, he always knows how to make it all better.

EPILOGUE: Because her mouth was hurting so much and she didn't want to even eat the very soft dinner I had planned just for her, I bought her a milkshake. When we got home I offered her some Ibuprofen. Ever the charmer, she said, 'Thanks, now I can go from my face being devastatingly painful (Oh WHY does she hand me lines like this???? I did resist the temptation though) to merely feeling like it will explode.'