Insane Asylime

Wednesday, January 18, 2006

Adventures in Orthodontia #3: Do these braces make my gums look fat?

It was time for yet another visit to Dr. Excitement. Each time we go, there are bands on the braces that are changed and Limelette gets to choose the color. She picks something different every time.

Before Dr. Excitement removed the old bands he poked around inside Limelette's mouth. He strethced and pulled her lips and prodded at her gums the intoned in that Ben Stein voice we have all come to love, 'Gees, Her gums are really swollen. Look how fat they are. Come here......Look, fat gums! I dunno what we are gonna do about this.'

Once he pulled his fingers out of Limelette's mouth she snarled, 'Great, it's not bad enough I have to worry about a fat butt, now you tell me I have fat gums! This is stupid.'

Dr. Excitement rolled his eyes and asked which color bands Limelette wanted. She growled, 'Black.' I said, 'nice classic color, goes with everything.' As he applied the new black bands to her braces he wondered aloud,'What is it with women and black?'

Now I should not be surprised that this late 40-ish, lives with his mother, poinsettia collecting, bug-eyed glasses wearing, bowl haircut sporting, snappy thrift shop apparelled fellow had a few questions about the female psyche. And wanting to enlighten him I merely offered, 'Black is slimming.'


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