Adventures in Orthodontia Part 2: Dr. Excitement Strikes Back

The day has come for braces to be applied to teeth. Dr. Excitement (complete with upside-down bowl haircut, insect eye glasses, thrift shop wardrobe, slumping posture, and Ben-Stein-is my-wildman-hero voice) greets us and ushers us into the torture chamb…..er…..exam room. Limelette sits in the chair and Dr. E. turns to prepare goo to get a mold of Limelette's teeth. Here is how the conversation went during the procedure.

Dr. E: Glad this heat finally broke.

Me: Yes, it's been a bit brutal.

Dr. E:(pressing the mold onto Limelette's teeth) What do you think? Been hot enough for ya?

Limelette:(nodding and rolling eyes) Mmmm-hhmm.

Dr. E:(turns to rinse the mold he has extricated from Limelette's mouth) So……….uh…….Mrs. L., do you, uh, think we may be in for some more terrorism?

Me:(looking at Limelette who has a 'wtf??' look on her face and pondering the unusual query myself) Well, I suppose I'd be surprised if nothing more occurred.

(Dr. E. turns around and inserts into Limelette's mouth some sort of huge clear plastic apparatus that pulls her lips away from her teeth and gums thus contorting her face in some bizarrely wide grimace. I am thinking I might need to invest in one of these because they are damn funny to look at AND they can silence the Limelette who is now trying to stick her tongue out at me as I snicker at the sight. This makes me laugh harder. Our laughter is interrupted by a very heavy sigh from Dr. E. who then gets up and turns his back again.)

Dr. E: Yes, next time……..siiiigh….I suppose they will use nuclear weapons.

(I bury my face in my magazine trying to hide the giggles as I convulse silently. Limelette throws up her hands to punctuate her exaggerated, though contorted, 'wtf??' expression.)

Dr. E: siiiigggh….Then we'll get the refugees from NYC out here………siiiiiiiiiiigh……They'll poison us with their own radiation problems…………siiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiigh……………I'd sooner have the damn thing land right on my head than die the slow, painful death we'll all suffer.

Me:(desperately trying to stifle guffaws as Limelette waves menacingly at me) Well, it would certainly prevent a lot of needless suffering that way.