Insane Asylime

Monday, January 09, 2006

What Kind of Mother..........

I am so blessed to have a teenager and an almost teenager. They keep me on the straight and narrow. I mean they might not survive to adulthood if I didn't have them to tell me how to be a mother. Here are some of the practices I've engaged in which have jeopardized their very existence.

What kind of mother........

1. Doesn't carry any tissues, aspirin, a spare $50 for her child's spur-of-the-moment entertainment desires, in her purse?

2. Doesn't even carry a purse in order to carry the aforementioned items? I mean really! What IS wrong with you, Mom?

3. Slams on the brakes to bring the car to a screeching halt causing near whiplash in her precious children? Did this child fail to mention that WW3 had broken out behind me as I drove?

4. Threatens to make her childen walk the rest of the way to a game/practice/social event if they don't come up with a truce in the backseat of the car?

5. Takes the child's bedroom door of its hinges because if she hears the door slammed one more time she will instead chop the door into splinters? Mom, this is a serious violation of privacy! How dare you!!

6. Fails to keep the house in perfect tidy order even though 4 people walk behind her and undo everything she does? Gees, Mom, this place is a wreck! What did you do all day?

7. Expects a child to actually ride on the school bus? You should be driving each of us, every day!

8. Expects the family to eat leftovers? Are we gonna get sick on this stuff? How long has it been in the fridge? Mom, don't you know people can die of food poisoning?


Like I said, I am glad the kids told me all this. Just imagine the chances I have been taking.

9 Comments:

  • Oh I know, it's a good thing they are there to tell you all that. LOL

    By Blogger bsoholic, at 10:11 AM  

  • Ya know , I was just talking to my hubby the other day about our thirteen year old daughter . Hell I don't know why mom and dad sent me to school or anything because they should have known that I was going to give birth to a world traveler that knows it all ! Nor did I know that the world is supposed to stop when Miss Thang wants something either. hehe , Kids , how would we live without their guidance and knowlege ? LOL! Thanks for the laughs Lime !

    By Blogger Breazy, at 10:14 AM  

  • Oh I do know! How dare I allow Hannahs new haircut to dry all cowlicky in her sleep because she went to bed with wet hair? How could I be so mean?
    How dare I cause frost this morning so we all slid on the porch..the weather is all my fault, ya know!
    How dare I make it be Monday and have school open?
    How dare I not have super frosted double chocolate whammy pop tarts for breakfast?
    And, what nerve, taking my daughter to a gym place yesterday and letting her climb, hang, tumble and roll around for four hours, thereby causing every muscle that she didnt even know she had to be sore and paining this morning?
    I am such a mean mom, gosh!!!!

    By Blogger barefoot_mistress, at 10:37 AM  

  • I caused Sam to decide he ought to run away from home yesterday.
    He was told to do two things, 5 minutes worth of effort, before we took him to a pizza party for a cousin's birthday. After 15 minuttes, when asked if he was done he said, "Why should I even bother??" In THAT voice. He is nine, I have years of this to look forward to! Holy mother of a Hindu cow.
    Well, he found out why he should bother, I sent his brother with his dad and made him stay home.

    By Anonymous logo, at 10:42 AM  

  • bs yep, by the time my stupidity peaks i should just barely be able to dress myself

    breazy, consider yourself informed ;)

    bare, wow! you wield such power as to control the weather??? i am in awe!

    logo, i am sorry to say it gets worse

    By Blogger lime, at 10:57 AM  

  • ...and you wouldn't trade one day of it for one without....

    By Blogger Casually Me, at 7:20 PM  

  • I NEVER let my kids do anything & I NEVER buy them anything. Which was news to me - but hey- bad mommy!!!

    Also, Jessica found it horrible of me today when I was wrapped in a blankie on the couch that she could not have said blankie for a fort.

    By Blogger snavy, at 9:31 PM  

  • Havent had to do the door thing yet. So Far the threat of losing the new xbox for a month has been getting homework done on time, Sax Practiced and a happy heart going to swim team workouts....and its lasting longer than i thought since the lil stinker figured out the tv really is HD

    By Blogger The Village Idiot, at 11:48 AM  

  • Of course, he thinks he doesn't deserve to have the xbox taken away....Whatever! said in that voice you parents of pre-teens and teens all know and love

    By Blogger The Village Idiot, at 11:49 AM  

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