Insane Asylime

Tuesday, November 15, 2005

It's All My Fault

Having a husband and children, I have learned that many things are my fault.

1. Even though I have provided my children with fully functional alarm clocks, and made sure they are set, and sent the kids to bed at a reasonable hour so they are sure to have plenty of rest, it is my fault they did not get up when the alarm went off, or when I went into their rooms to wake them every 10 minutes. Even though I did every thing short of marching a band of tubas through their room and dumping a gallon of water over their heads. It is still my fault.

2. Even though I have stocked the kitchen with all the foods they have requested and even though I ask them each week when I make out the grocery list 'What healthy things do you want for lunch and snacks?' and even though I put things away in the same spot, it is my fault they cannot find anything worth packing for lunch.

3. Even though they devoured 2 weeks worth of snacks within 2 days of grocery shopping it is my fault that everything is gone.

4. Even though I tell everyone on Sunday night to haul their dirty laundry to the washing machine so I can wash it on Monday and they choose to ignore this routine, it is my fault that they don't have their favorite jeans or shirt. Even though the cherished garment is festering under the wet towel I asked them to hang up, it is still my fault.

5. Even though I ask every night to see their homework logs and check that the homework is done and tell them to put the finished homework in their folders, in the backpacks, backpacks in the closet, it is my fault that they can't find it and forgot to turn it in.

6. Even though each Limelet knows his or her chore for each day and chooses to wait until the very end of the day to do said chore, it is my fault they are in such foul moods because I asked them to do their chores.

7. Even though I have picked up shoes, socks, jackets, books, backpacks, papers, and every afghan we own off the floor several times a day, it is my fault the house is such a mess.

8. Even though I never got the paper from school telling me about the class party/after school activity/(fill in the blank), it is my fault I did not know about it and plan accordingly.

Excuse me, I'm going back to bed and turning off my alarm. The kitchen is closed today, there will be no cleaning done. I'm taking the Oreos and Doritos with me. The Mom taxi is not available.


  • Awww sounds like you deserve a nap supplemented by oreos and doritos!!

    By Blogger Cricketina, at 10:07 AM  

  • The other day, I cleaned the kitchen and living room, vacuumed, straightened up the couch cover and pillows, picked up all Little Ritas junk from the floor and kitchen table, cleaned up my sewing mess....then moved on to the bedroom.....I swear that not 5 minutes later I came back into the living room, and the pillows and blanket were on the floor again, the couch all messed up, and a few stuffed animals tossed on the floor in front of the TV...along with the "vetrinarian kit"...ARGHHHHH!!!!

    I know the feeling, Lime!

    By Blogger barefoot_mistress, at 10:55 AM  

  • Aw, poor limey, I feel your pain!
    Sleep it off, sister.

    By Blogger Ariella, at 11:29 AM  

  • Sweetie - hugs! Don't forget to bring chocolate with you!

    By Blogger snavy, at 11:45 AM  

  • I don't think I want your job. I'm glad you've decided to go on strike. You should ask for some sort of raise or bonus too while you're on strike. If you're not cooking or doing laundry, you just might get it.

    I hope you have a better day.

    This is Colleen by the way. Since I've come across a lot of other bloggers with my name, I've decided to change my screen name for simplicity's sake.

    By Anonymous Colleen, at 11:55 AM  

  • Whoops, it's Colleen again. I forgot to use my new screen name. Like duh.

    By Anonymous Chickadee, at 11:56 AM  

  • Hell no we wont go hell no we wont go! I'll help your protest Lime! Grab some Doritoes and Oreos and get to loungin'!

    By Blogger bsoholic, at 1:46 PM  

  • LOL, all. thanks for the solidarity! Power to the mommies!

    Collen, thanks for ketting me know. I still cannot post comments on your site for whatever strange reason, but I do enjoy reading your blog!

    By Blogger lime, at 2:40 PM  

  • HOLY SHIT! Where the hell have I Been?!?! Why didn't I know about this blog? I am that blind?!?! Snav? There is a LIME?!?!

    I have sooooooooooo been missing out. Time to run down stairs grab an the entire bottle of Beringer and a fresh glass, shut my door, and read on!

    How the hell did I so not see this blog?!?! Me of all ppl not see this blog?!?!?! I've been needing this blog! I've been needing this LIME!

    Onward Ho!

    Ps.. Nice to meet you Lime, My Dear :)

    By Blogger Blither, at 6:36 PM  

  • To Blither: But wait, there's more... if you act now, you can enjoy twice as much Lime. That's right, twice as much Lime! If you click in the next 30 minutes you'll not only get Insane Asylime, but we will throw in House of Lime ABSOLUTLY FREE, that's right, absolutly free! This deal is too good to be passed up. Click now!

    (lmao, sorry, I am a bit buzzed and coulnd't help myself)


    By Blogger bsoholic, at 10:49 PM  

  • Bummer Lime! I'm sorry that you can't post on my blog. That's so weird.

    By Anonymous Chickadee, at 1:22 PM  

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