It's All My Fault

Having a husband and children, I have learned that many things are my fault.

1. Even though I have provided my children with fully functional alarm clocks, and made sure they are set, and sent the kids to bed at a reasonable hour so they are sure to have plenty of rest, it is my fault they did not get up when the alarm went off, or when I went into their rooms to wake them every 10 minutes. Even though I did every thing short of marching a band of tubas through their room and dumping a gallon of water over their heads. It is still my fault.

2. Even though I have stocked the kitchen with all the foods they have requested and even though I ask them each week when I make out the grocery list 'What healthy things do you want for lunch and snacks?' and even though I put things away in the same spot, it is my fault they cannot find anything worth packing for lunch.

3. Even though they devoured 2 weeks worth of snacks within 2 days of grocery shopping it is my fault that everything is gone.

4. Even though I tell everyone on Sunday night to haul their dirty laundry to the washing machine so I can wash it on Monday and they choose to ignore this routine, it is my fault that they don't have their favorite jeans or shirt. Even though the cherished garment is festering under the wet towel I asked them to hang up, it is still my fault.

5. Even though I ask every night to see their homework logs and check that the homework is done and tell them to put the finished homework in their folders, in the backpacks, backpacks in the closet, it is my fault that they can't find it and forgot to turn it in.

6. Even though each Limelet knows his or her chore for each day and chooses to wait until the very end of the day to do said chore, it is my fault they are in such foul moods because I asked them to do their chores.

7. Even though I have picked up shoes, socks, jackets, books, backpacks, papers, and every afghan we own off the floor several times a day, it is my fault the house is such a mess.

8. Even though I never got the paper from school telling me about the class party/after school activity/(fill in the blank), it is my fault I did not know about it and plan accordingly.

Excuse me, I'm going back to bed and turning off my alarm. The kitchen is closed today, there will be no cleaning done. I'm taking the Oreos and Doritos with me. The Mom taxi is not available.