Insane Asylime

Monday, November 14, 2005

Secret Life of a Housewife

Mr. Lime came home the other night and the house was not clean enough for his liking. He pointed out the various areas in which he felt I had been lax and then asked that question I love so much.......'What on earth do you do all day?' After providing an ice bag for the welts on his head caused by repeated forceful contact with the toilet brush I considered the following answers.

1. I watched the 'Jerry Springer' marathon all day.
2. I alphabetized the spice rack.
3. I indulged in nothing but champagne and fine chocolates while reading trashy romance novels.
4. I entertained 6 different lovers.
5. I drove to NYC and maxed out the credit cards on 5th Avenue.
6. I hired a buff gardener and watched him work.
7. I took a bubble bath, all day. See this pruny skin??
8. I pondered existentialism.
9. I pondered my navel.
10. I pondered the feasability of an insanity defense and where to bury the corpse.


  • Yup, #10 should do it. Hahaha!

    By Blogger bsoholic, at 9:35 AM  

  • LOL!! These are great -sounds familiar!

    BTW - We both know someone who will help with the burying the corpse issue - wink, wink!

    By Blogger snavy, at 9:44 AM  

  • I like those answers!
    Mr Logo, who suffered the misfortune of marrying a redhead learned pretty quickly that THAT was a question teetering between foolish and downright suicidal.
    Now, thinking that he is settle, he asks, looking around pointedly, "So, um, are you not feeling well?"
    (insert glare here)

    By Anonymous logo, at 10:43 AM  

  • for "settle" above, substitute
    SUBTLE, not sure what happened there

    By Anonymous logo, at 10:44 AM  

  • Hah! Here's what I do. I make a list of exactly everything I do, including every time I pee, eat, let the dog in or out, answer the phone, what I sew, every client that comes over, ever single interruption, how long it took me to pick up Hannah from school even though it's just one mile away because there are 4 schools on one block that all get out at the same time, resulting in massive traffic jams every day at 3 pm, etc. I am sure to include the times too.
    I need to do that about once a month so he gets the idea that I dont sit around blogging all day! He usually gets the hint.

    By Blogger barefoot_mistress, at 10:54 AM  

  • My husband has bravely asked that same question before and I kindly replied " I have been on the phone or running for your forgetful ass all day which does not leave much room for cleaning" ! Mr. Breazy doesn't say much to me about the house because I obsess over it most days, but other days I just don't have time . :)

    By Blogger Breazy, at 11:12 AM  

  • LMAO!! Hey - you forgot - 11. blogging, 12. chatting & 13. Shopping for new husband on!!

    By Blogger Callie, at 11:42 AM  

  • I said that once. I got the kids, and the dog for a day, nothing got done. We did however discover that model rocket engines and legos are fun, but make a huge mess

    By Blogger The Village Idiot, at 12:11 PM  

  • I'm pretty sure #8 & #9 are basically the same thing.

    I have to admitt I have asked myself the same question when it feels like I have done nothing all day. Sometimes I'll make a list...sometimes it makes me feel better about what I've accomplished...sometimes it "inspires" me for the next day ;)

    By Blogger Cricketina, at 12:33 PM  

  • great list, I like the cocolate eating one and the buff gardener.

    By Blogger Jodes, at 3:16 PM  

  • I'm glad you smacked your husband. Tell him most days you sit and ponder the ways you can annoy him. :)

    By Anonymous Colleen, at 6:41 PM  

  • Does he have a blog? We can always assault him in writing, too.

    By Blogger Fred, at 9:48 PM  

Post a Comment

<< Home