The Story

Here are a few alternative stories for how I broke my arm.

• I was scuba diving off the Great Barrier Reef when attacked by a 12 ft great white shark. After it bit my left arm I poked out its eyes with my right, killed it with a knife I had strapped to my leg, and dragged it back to shore for a feast.
• I had to stop a runaway train from smashing into a carload of orphans which had stalled on the tracks. The arm was a small price to pay for saving them.
• Really rough sex. If you think my arm is bad you should see my partner.
• I picked a fight with Chuck Norris. Yeah, I have my limitations. He whupped my ass.
• I was the stunt double for Harrison Ford when the stone wall crashes down just after he retrieves his hat. The set designers had not worked out all the kinks yet.
• I was the stunt double for Harrison Ford when he dangles out the back of Airforce One at 30,000 ft. Again, someone on the set is out to get me.
• I was hunting grizzlies and got caught in a steel jaw trap. I pried it open with my teeth and hiked 10 miles to the nearest road.

Well, the drugs sure do make for grand hallucinations don't they?