Drive Sane

Snavy, hon. This is for you this week, and me next week. Just a few suggestions from the twisted mind of Lime to help you pass the drive in peace.

1. Drug the children before leaving. I've got some extra Vicodin I don't need anymore.

2. What can Brown do for you? It can crate and ship the kids (and ornery spouses)to your vacation destination or even alternate destinations if you prefer.

3. Duct tape.

4. Those clamshell luggage carriers really help you not to hear the arguments. Please stow children securely as they may shift during travel.

5. Threaten to pick up that gnarly looking hitchhiker and seat him right between the girls. You see him there? The one with the backpack that's probably full of body parts from other little kids who misbehaved in the backseat?

6. Explain, in graphic detail, the use and function of N-G tubes and catheters if they ask to stop for snacks and potty too often. Dangle the tubes from the rearview mirror as a reminder.

Happy trails!