Insane Asylime

Friday, June 30, 2006

Drive Sane

Snavy, hon. This is for you this week, and me next week. Just a few suggestions from the twisted mind of Lime to help you pass the drive in peace.

1. Drug the children before leaving. I've got some extra Vicodin I don't need anymore.

2. What can Brown do for you? It can crate and ship the kids (and ornery spouses)to your vacation destination or even alternate destinations if you prefer.

3. Duct tape.

4. Those clamshell luggage carriers really help you not to hear the arguments. Please stow children securely as they may shift during travel.

5. Threaten to pick up that gnarly looking hitchhiker and seat him right between the girls. You see him there? The one with the backpack that's probably full of body parts from other little kids who misbehaved in the backseat?

6. Explain, in graphic detail, the use and function of N-G tubes and catheters if they ask to stop for snacks and potty too often. Dangle the tubes from the rearview mirror as a reminder.

Happy trails!


  • LMAO!!!

    Thanks for those!!

    I put the training potty in the car for those "just-in-case" moments. Living an hour from home taught me that trick.

    By Blogger snavy, at 2:46 PM  

  • I think I snorted at the clamtop luggage carrier, though these were all good tips. Do they work well for aging mothers also?

    By Blogger gnightgirl, at 4:03 PM  

  • snavy, yer a smart one!

    gnight. oh yes, and they are fabulous for orney mothers-in-law!

    By Blogger lime, at 5:20 PM  

  • Still making me laugh...

    By Blogger Casually Me, at 10:23 PM  

  • Truly hysterical. I really appreciated this blog. I used to be cramped in a hot back seat with my two older cousins on long summer drives. They would nudge me and fight with me for hours on end. My Aunt and Uncle could have heeded your advice.

    By Blogger Nigel Vossap, at 1:38 AM  

  • Bad in the dark ages, when you could do this, my parents went from Maryland to Washington state with my older sister, younger brother and I in the back of a pickup (there was a camper and a seat bolted in)
    That way we could
    "She's touching me"
    and they didn't have to hear it.
    Clever folks those parents of mine.

    By Blogger Logophile, at 11:16 AM  

  • Oh man, remind me never to go on a road trip with LIme......

    And while were on that topic....ladies.....

    I say that we treat ourselves to a ladies only trip to Las Vegas when school goes back...whaddya say? I already asked Gary...he said GO FOR IT as long as there are no

    I AM TOTALLY SERIOUS......going to discuss with Blither now...

    By Blogger barefoot_mistress, at 12:16 PM  

  • Hah *as long as there are no PWPs involved......

    By Blogger barefoot_mistress, at 12:17 PM  

  • wtf is a pwp?

    By Blogger lime, at 1:07 PM  

  • oh damn! number five IS gnarly. gah!

    By Blogger DaMasta, at 5:19 PM  

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