Insane Asylime

Monday, February 06, 2006

Big Friggin Whoop-de-doo!

FOOTBALL as defined by Lime
Unnaturally large men in pads and spandex crashing into each other and chasing an improperly shaped ball while unnaturally buxom women with unnaturally small waists in impossibly small outfits jump up and down in excitement over the aforementioned men and their balls.

SUPERBOWL as defined by Lime
A media event during which large corporations pay scam artist marketers obscene amounts of money to cook up lies about their products and services and then spend more than the GDP of some third world nations for 60 seconds of airtime to perpetrate such fraud on the watching public.

If I have to endure this absurd event there better be some really fine chocolate involved and all the testosterone flowing better result in some damn fine marital conjugation later on.

We were invited to 3 different Superbowl parties. After much discussion we mutually agreed upon one of them. Even so, about an hour before kickoff, Limelette #2 was going to need to be dropped off elsewhere. We went to the mututally agreed upon party. Mr. Lime then took the Limelette to her party a couple hours later AND FAILED TO RETURN to the mutually agreed upon party. I was stranded in a smoke filled environment, had to track him down (he had decided to go to one of the other parties we had been invited to........very naughty names for Mr. Lime are springing to mind). He had the audacity to be annoyed when I asked him to come pick me up and take me home ( I was only having an asthma attack due to the thick cloud of cigarette and cigar smoke). If he wants to make this up to me then he had better be willing to send me here and help me achieve multiple orgasms every night for a month. I will accept a proxy of my choosing in his stead should he prefer not to fulfill conjugal obligations.


  • I could not agree with you more!!

    Except I want neither chocolate nor the marital conjugation. Ok... I could actually really go for some chocolate. :P

    By Blogger snavy, at 10:19 PM  

  • A proxy of your of the funniest lines I have heard in some time. I only lasted about an hour at the super bowl was at the church..but those folks were getting on my nerves...there were football pools...and chili cookoffs...I fgured I could be just as silly at home...without the we went home...and I only watched a few minutes of the it bored

    By Blogger Casually Me, at 9:06 AM  

  • RE: Update - Bad, bad Mr. Lime. Flogging in order??

    As for the spa - YUM!!!

    By Blogger snavy, at 11:09 AM  

  • I actually watched entire portions of the game, and for what??
    I am returning to my non-football fan ways. Thankfully, it was only 4 hours so it should be easy to recover.
    Mr Lime should be flogged!

    By Anonymous logo, at 11:58 AM  

  • Dear Mr. Lime,
    I believe she's serious!
    Savin' Your Life

    By Blogger Seamus, at 1:19 PM  

  • cm, i am so totally impressed by youas an obviously manly guy who is yet able to function apart from the whole madness that is the superbowl.

    snavy, yes a flogging is most definitely in order.

    logo, when i tire i will give youand snavy turns with the cat-o-nine tails

    seamus, you are a wise, wise man!

    By Blogger lime, at 1:31 PM  

  • Ew, sprots!

    I cannot believe he left you at that house alone and went somewhere else, sheesh!

    We didn't watch the game! :D

    By Blogger barefoot_mistress, at 1:41 PM  

  • I want chocolate and marital conjugation ! hehe . I want to see Mr. Lime get flogged . I will bring the chocolate so let me know when the event is taking place ! hehe

    By Blogger Breazy, at 2:32 PM  

  • This superbowl sucked. It was a bad representative of football, which is the most important game ever invented. it's actually the most intelligent sport by far. Coaching in football is half the game.

    By Blogger The Zombieslayer, at 12:09 AM  

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