Overheard at the Dinner Table

A new marking period has started and so Limelette #1 has had some minor changes to her class schedule. One is that she now has a keyboarding class. She was informing us of the horrendous conditions under which she has to endure this unique form of cruel and unusual punishment.

I have this class with THREE other kids who have the collective IQ of a dishrag! I spent the whole period learning home row. I ALREADY KNOW HOME ROW! The teacher thinks I am a genius because I know where the ‘E’ key is! She wants to know why I am even in this class. I told her because my psycho irritant mother said I had to take it. Oh! And the teacher……Mrs. J…….the woman has a half frozen ocean up her nose and her hands are eternally covered in snot! She came over to check my keyboard and TOUCHED it with her snot covered hands. Then she asked me why I wasn’t typing anymore. I said ‘Duh! Your hands are covered in snot and now you just smeared them all over my keyboard!’ So she told me in her clogged-up, nasal whine, ‘Oh, let me get some disinfectant.’

By this time I was nearly snarfing spaghetti through my nose trying to control laughter. Mr. Lime snickered and said, ‘I need to tell my coworkers about this tomorrow. They all know about you and how acidic you are. They’ll love this’

‘What the heck does that mean??? What is acidic?’ she demanded. Mr. Lime said, “It means demeaning and rude.’

The child paused with an incredulous look on her face, shocked almost beyond words….almost. She asked with stunned innocence, ‘That was rude???’

I needed the Heimlich maneuver to remove the spaghetti from my throat after convulsing with laughter.